GeekRising

Well, folks, Wii owners finally have a reason to rejoice. After months of hearing about crappy ports and throw away titles like Smash Bros. Brawl and Mario Galaxy, a beacon of hope has shone through darkness. I speak, of course, of the recently announced Wii and DS exclusive title, Jenga, which is an old Swahili word meaning “crappy idea for a game.” Knowing this, you’d think that they could have come up with a better name. Like Jenga Deluxe. But you would be wrong. Nevertheless, Jenga promises to be an immense hit, clearly targeted towards the hardcore gamer. But don’t take my word for it, here’s the press release:

Atari Announces Jenga Edge-of-your-seat Video Gaming Fun*

By Atari

Press Release

Posted Jul 6, 2007 10:44 am PT

LYON, FRANCE – 6 July 2007 – Atari today announced that it would publish Jenga, based on the mildly enjoyable wooden block tower building game of the same name. Designed to appeal to Nintendo’s expanded audience of people who don’t like video games, Jenga promises hours of almost-enjoyment and loads of not-quite-fun!

“Fans of the original Jenga will most likely think we’re crazy and wonder why we bothered to make a digital adaptation of a real-life game that’s readily and cheaply available and not really that fun unless you’re drunk,” said Jeremiah Cohn, senior product manager, Atari, Inc. “But they’re stupid!” he added.

“This title is a definite must-have for anyone who’s ever wanted to enjoy Jenga without the inconvenience of having fun or playing Jenga,” added Paul Eveloff of Pokonobe Associates. “I know it actually sounds pretty boring, but we’re hoping people won’t notice, due to the extraordinary amount of exclamation points we use!”

Although this title seems like a perfect candidate for Mii inclusion, Atari has instead opted to create their own series of wacky, forgettable characters. You’re welcome! Characters include:

• A Tyrannosaurus with a Mohawk and comically oversized glasses!! Get it?? Dinosaurs don’t usually have those things!
• A purple alien creature with tentacles and three eyes!! THREE eyes!! Next-Gen is here!
• Some type of Hawaiian sphere-type object that could possibly be a Jack-O-Lantern!! Or maybe not! Who knows!!!
• A penguin that wears goggles! That’s right, goggles! Penguins don’t need goggles! Wacky!!
• A chubby-cheeked shark! Even we don’t know why his cheeks are chubby!
• A green pterodactyl! Can you tell we’re running out of ideas?? Just kidding, maybe!
• Some kind of sentient cowboy/gambling device hybrid!! WTF??? Fun for the whole family!
• A space girl with an open-faced space helmet! If she actually went to space, she would die a horrible gruesome death!!

A great deal of time and effort has been put into making this title a success. Jenga will feature a robust physics engine that will most likely pale in comparison to the physics achieved by the original Jenga, otherwise known as “actual” physics. Also, the main focus of the game will be on the single player story mode, though the title does include several obligatory multiplayer minigames. Atari is also excited to include the official “Jengamote” Wii accessory, which will be bundled with the game, for added value! Make your Wii Jenga experience even more immersive by simply gluing this attachment to the end of your Wii Remote! The game is due out in November.

Well, I know all of you are as excited as I am about this development. This will be a great title to have around in case I’m ever in a situation where my life depends on me having absolutely no fun for a small period of time.

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*Actual title of their press release!